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Our hope with this podcast is to be a resource and a comfort for straight spouses as we navigate the tremendous life changes that accompany finding out we are married to an LGBT spouse, no matter where we are in our journey. Whether we are in the first throes of shock after discovery or disclosure, or we are 10 years post-divorce, or living in a mixed orientation marriage. We want to create a forum of frank and open discussion so we can talk about difficult, intimate and sometimes controversial topics. We look for community, healing and growth in each other’s stories, as we share our grief, our pain, our recoveries, and our triumphs.

At the SSV Podcast, we have a few simple missions: first, to tell our stories, to each other, and to the world. Second, to help straight spouses heal. We do this by interviewing guests with varying expertise and wisdom to share. And finally, to encourage discussion and insight. We do this by featuring guests with diverse perspectives and experiences, and even controversial views that give rise to strong opinions.

We know not every straight spouse experience is the same, and therefore not every straight spouse will be helped in the same way or by the same resources. That’s why we strive for a diversity of perspectives and topics.

And we know that not every straight spouse will appreciate or be helped by every episode, but we do hope that every straight spouse will find some episodes helpful.

We make several feedback options available for all listeners: listeners can comment on the original episode posts on our SSN Facebook page, and they can comment directly on the episode on our website. All comments are moderated for respectfulness, but discussion and feedback are welcome. In addition, we have the podcast@straightspouse.org email address for more direct feedback.

The Voices Podcast is funded by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.
 

Happy New Year, Friends!

Our year-end fundraising campaign is officially complete and with your generous help we raised $13,813 to serve straight spouses in need. From all of us at SSN, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Oct 1, 2018

In today’s episode, Devon discusses his marriage to Emily Reese, his early knowledge of his homosexuality, his fear and shame around his feelings, as well has his religious beliefs at the time that lead him to compartmentalize his feelings of same sex attraction. His coming out journey has been a journey toward self-actualization, and he speaks about how telling the truth, even when it is painful for both the person telling it and the person hearing it, is critical for growth and healing. Devon and Emily are currently amicably co-parenting their three children through Emily’s final stages of terminal colon cancer.

 

Devon knew from a young age that he was gay. In his own words: “At least for me, it was like a compartmentalized thing. I know it sounds very cliché but in some ways, it was like a box and you put your feelings of gayness away in that box, and you put it away in the proverbial closet, and you close the door, and you focus on all the other aspects of your being. Certainly, I knew from my very first concept of feeling different, and for me there’s a lot of shame and fear because at that time - early 80’s, mid-80’s and even into the early 90’s - it wasn’t a great place in the world to be a gay man. You’re dealing with the AIDS crisis, internalized and externalized homophobia. I knew that in order to be the person that I thought I was and could be, that I had to ignore one aspect of my existence. That’s not to say it wasn’t deceptive, it was. It was deceiving to my parents, my friends, my family, certainly to Emily, but in that dark place where I put that, and put it away, you justify it by saying ‘well I do love my spouse, I am sexually attracted to them, I do want to have children, I want this very picture perfect life,’ and so you make choices, and those choices ultimately have hurtful impacts certainly to our spouse and our family. And for some people they are able to put that item in the box and in the closet and live an entire lifetime without acknowledging their true self. And they can be happy and healthy and well, they just aren’t 100% fully actualized in my opinion.”